I would like to share something that I wrote eight years ago when I had just arrived in prison. “This place suffocates me, I can’t breathe. I am tired of living here but this is my reality. These 3 walls, the bars, the lock, I live in a very small space and seeing the same faces every day is frustrating. This is not my home and my inmates are not my family. This is a place where you learn to be a strong woman. You learn to value everything you have, what you had and what’s left. You put barrier in your heart so nothing can hurt you but you still suffer.” I had placed that barrier in my heart and as the years passed by I realized that it wasn’t right. I also learned how to deceive myself when I needed to – I can eat when I’m not hungry, sleep when I’m not tired, laugh when inside I feel like crying. I can give advice when it’s me who needs to receive it. I am able to speak with others when I don’t feel like speaking. When I first got to prison I learned to live when I really wished I would die.
But after all these years, I am now able to say that I
am here for a reason. I understand that I am here to change many things in my
life that were wrong. I’m not a bad person but I have made poor choices. I
didn’t intentionally hurt people in my life but living and participating in a
world of alcoholism, drugs, and prostitution will lead you down a path that has
consequences. I am in prison for being in the wrong place with the wrong
people.
I’ve learned so many things in the last 8 years. Celebrate Recovery is offered here and I have
been attending. Principle 2 is one of my favorites. It says, “Earnestly believe
that God exists, that I matter to him, and that he has the power to help me
recover. “ I am learning to
forgive myself and others, to love my neighbor and to be a better person each
day. Through Celebrate Recovery I met
God and have learned that he loves me and is always with me. I am changing. I give thanks to God for my son, family,
friends, the Celebrate Recovery program and surprisingly to this prison because
if I hadn’t been here maybe I would never have changed my way of living. I know
that God is preparing something for me and I know that it is something much
better than I could ever come up with.
I would like to thank
the sisters that bring Celebrate Recovery into the prison each week. Thank you
for showing us how great our God is and how much he loves us.
Thank you for letting
me share.
Keren
All names have been
changed to protect their identity
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