A testimony from one of "our girls on the inside": Alli

My name is Alli and I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ. I am recovering from drug addiction and struggle with resentment, the need for revenge and the fear of rejection.

Growing up I felt rejected by my family so I chose to isolate myself from people. I was quiet, scared and had low self-esteem.  I felt ugly.  My parents were not around much so my grandmother ended up raising me.  At 15 I met the man who I married and we had 2 children together.

Although we didn’t have God in our lives, our marriage was good.  Good, until one  day my husband started using drugs and ended up cheating on me.  When I found out I didn’t know how to respond; so I chose to follow his lead into the drug world hoping that this would make him leave the other woman and stay with me. I thought I could help him but the drugs ended up destroying my life.   All I wanted was to get high and I didn’t care how I achieved it. I began stealing, prostituting myself and selling drugs. I got involved with people I never imagined I would be around.  I saw and did horrible things and I didn’t care.  The lowest point in my life was when I had my kids involved in selling drugs.

I was charged with homicide and was sent to prison.  When I arrived here I thought my life was over but little did I know it was just beginning.  I was invited to join a group called Celebrate Recovery. God is restoring my life through this program.  I have discovered God’s love for me. I am behind bars but I am free because of God and His love for me.  Through Celebrate Recovery I have learned to give God my hate, resentment and pain.  I am no longer a slave to sin and in my heart there is peace and joy. 

God bless you and thank you for letting me share.

Alli

1 John 4:19

A testimony from one of "our girls on the inside": Keren

I would like to share something that I wrote eight years ago when I had just arrived in prison. “This place suffocates me, I can’t breathe.  I am tired of living here but this is my reality.  These 3 walls, the bars, the lock, I live in a very small space and seeing the same faces every day is frustrating.  This is not my home and my inmates are not my family.  This is a place where you learn to be a strong woman. You learn to value everything you have, what you had and what’s left.  You put barrier in your heart so nothing can hurt you but you still suffer.”   I had placed that barrier in my heart and as the years passed by I realized that it wasn’t right. I also learned how to deceive myself when I needed to – I can eat when I’m not hungry, sleep when I’m not tired, laugh when inside I feel like crying. I can give advice when it’s me who needs to receive it. I am able to speak with others when I don’t feel like speaking. When I first got to prison I learned to live when I really wished I would die.

But after all these years, I am now able to say that I am here for a reason. I understand that I am here to change many things in my life that were wrong. I’m not a bad person but I have made poor choices. I didn’t intentionally hurt people in my life but living and participating in a world of alcoholism, drugs, and prostitution will lead you down a path that has consequences. I am in prison for being in the wrong place with the wrong people.

I’ve learned so many things in the last 8 years.  Celebrate Recovery is offered here and I have been attending. Principle 2 is one of my favorites. It says, “Earnestly believe that God exists, that I matter to him, and that he has the power to help me recover. “ I am learning to forgive myself and others, to love my neighbor and to be a better person each day.  Through Celebrate Recovery I met God and have learned that he loves me and is always with me.  I am changing.  I give thanks to God for my son, family, friends, the Celebrate Recovery program and surprisingly to this prison because if I hadn’t been here maybe I would never have changed my way of living. I know that God is preparing something for me and I know that it is something much better than I could ever come up with.

I would like to thank the sisters that bring Celebrate Recovery into the prison each week. Thank you for showing us how great our God is and how much he loves us.

Thank you for letting me share.

Keren

All names have been changed to protect their identity