My name is Evelyn and I am a believer in recovery. I struggle with co-dependency issues and addictions.
Growing up as the youngest
of 8 children I know I was loved and protected. My childhood was a happy time
despite the fact that we had problems just like everyone else. We attended the Catholic Church so I had some
understanding of God. As children we
loved and respected our parents – my mom and I were close.
As I got older, I started
making other friends and my relationship with my mom became distant. I met
somebody and married him; we had two children together. All I cared about was
taking good care of my family and trying to give my children the best.
I finished school and
started a career as a primary school teacher. My husband helped me with the kids
but sometimes he had to work out of town. We were having problems in our
marriage soI started going out and having fun with my friends. I started having
health problems and doctors diagnosed me with HIV. After being diagnosed I fell
into depression and did not care about anything anymore. I decided to seek God,
but that was temporary and I continued having problems with my husband.
I changed jobs and met a
woman who was a lesbian; I got involved with her and left my husband. My son
stayed with my husband and I took my baby girl with me. Everything seemed to go
well in our relationship but after a time she started beating me for talking
with my ex-husband. She managed to alienate me from my family; she could not
bear to share me with anyone else. Our relationship was violent and for many
years I allowed my daughter to be a part of it.
Our relationship got
really bad and I asked God to give me a sign to show me if I was making a
mistake by being with my partner. Two days later, my partner killed my daughter
and I ended up in prison accused of murdering my daughter. My partner escaped
and I was in shock dealing with the death of my daughter.
I ask God to help me and
repented and ask for forgiveness for everything I had done in my life. I cried. Four days after arriving in prison,
someone sent me a Bible and I began to read it. I remember the first verse I
read was Jeremiah 29:11 & 13 11 For I
know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord.
“They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
In
those days when you pray, I will listen. If
you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me."
I realized that God had a
purpose for my life, and if I was in prison it was for a reason. As I read the
Bible, I began to understand that God was always present in my life. But I choose to go my own direction and was
disobedient to Him. I renounced lesbianism from my life and gradually He set me
free.
I started attending the
Celebrate Recovery Group and this has been one of the best decisions I ever
made in my life. Now thanks to the
program I have become a new person. I have learned to recognize that I cannot
find recovery alone. Only the Lord Jesus Christ is the one who can help me live
a better life. I have learned that He has the power to forgive all our sins, I
may have relapses but even in those times He will never leave me alone. The
only thing I have to do is ask Him for help and He will help me. It was very
difficult to let go of the guilt and to forgive myself and the person who
killed my daughter. God is so merciful and I have already given Him that part of
my heart. I know He's working with me every day.
The Personal Inventory
lesson was very difficult for me. I had to write out many things that caused me
pain when they were reopened. I asked God to help me and I began to write. I
could not stop crying. I know He is the
one who has been healing my heart. I thank God for allowing me to remember
everything so He could bring the healing that I needed. I thank God for giving
me another chance to live.
Today, I can say that God
has transformed me. Being charged with my daughter’s death has brought me
closer to Him. Each time when I am facing,
I ask God to give me the strength to continue on. The most amazing thing is
that He gives me the strength to resist and move forward.
I am now totally convinced
that I will serve God and He is has the best in store for my life. Little by
little I am being reunited with my family. They love and support me. They
have also seen the changes that have occurred in my life and are happy for me. Thank
you for letting me share.
*Names have been changed
to protect their identity.
