Darla's Testimony

My name is Darla and I am a grateful believer of the Lord Jesus Christ!  I struggle with fear and rejection.

I was raised in a family that was very negative and focused on working really hard. Hard work equaled approval. In 2009 the Lord began to work in me – when my biological family was in a very dark place.  I longed to belong and when the opportunity came to join a family business I hoped it would allow me to be a part of something – a family. Greed and control along with alcohol issues made the entire situation ugly.  My mom passed away during this time and it hurt her to leave her family in this situation. This time of my life was real bad – my husband was talked about, used and criticized and I promised myself that I would find peace and quiet – away from the chaos of the past years. We were not abused physically but my father used oppression, a cruelty that caused fear and instilled in me a lack of trust for the male authority figure.  I feared disappointing everyone around me.  When my mom passed away my father decided to never speak to my siblings and I again.  We received a phone call twelve years later letting us know that he had died and was already buried.

While looking for the peace and quiet away from the chaos I was introduced to Jesus; this was not the peace and quiet I had been thinking about but it was exactly what I needed. I am grateful that I have found myself surrounded within the Celebrate Recovery program. I have found a place where I can be real; where I can be myself.  My time in Celebrate Recovery has allowed for me to continue facing my journey head on!  The Step Series on Sanity continues to help me in many ways!

·         ~ That I need to make decisions based only on God’s truth and not on my emotions or feelings;

·        ~  That I need His continued strength to help me to face the fears of the past that previously would have caused me to flee or freeze;

·        ~  To know that I can have a realistic expectation of myself and of others.

·        ~  That I have a new life with the Lord Jesus Christ guiding my life - which means I do not need to live my life the way that it used to be;

·         ~ That I can trust my relationship with our Lord God but most importantly my relationships with others.

Although it continues to be a journey that I must walk through daily with the Lord; I now know that I do not need to look for people’s approval since the only approval I need comes from God - and God only. I have compassion and empathy for others. God has had me go through each trial and valley for a purpose. Each trial and valley has been a time that God has ‘called’ me to be right at His feet. He works through each crack in this broken vessel to allow His Light to radiate out to the world.  During my journey with God I intend to love every person who God has cross my path.  God HAS a plan for me.

Jeremiah 29:11 says this!  “'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'”

Sometimes when we look in the mirror it is hard to believe that Jesus could love us. Some days we feel messy, we feel that we do not bring any joy to anyone. Sometimes it is so hard to even like ourselves. The Bible tells us that the One who took our place on the cross doesn’t just tolerate us; He loved us FIRST. To remember His truth and realize that Jesus actually loves each one of us – and likes us too – will make it easier for each of us to love others.

And I vow that I will come before the Lord every day – and bring each burden that I may be carrying to Him – and leave those burdens at the altar.  Carrying these burdens along with me – like a security blanket will not allow me to able to love others – the way that Jesus Christ loved others.

Isaiah 43:1 – 3 says:

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior."

These words from God embrace me.  They show His love for me.  They show that He really cares for me.  These words continue to build me up to be able to fulfill His purpose.  To love each of the least of these…..just like Jesus did.

Thank you for letting me share.

Karla’s Dream

I saw myself entering the church building; near the entrance I saw a large amount of trash scattered all around.  I was sad and started to pick up the garbage all around.  I asked myself: “Why do people bring their trash to church and why can’t they put it in the trash cans?” While picking up the trash I saw a friend of mine. She was crouching down doing something and got up to greet me. When she came over to give me a hug.  I was astonished because I could see her heart, I don’t know why but I could and it was bleeding. She had bruises all over her chest, blood and bruises on her mouth and lips. 

I was in shock to see her in this condition and wondered if she might have been in an accident. Suddenly, a gentle voice spoke to my heart, “These people who are hurt are MY people” … the dream was so real I woke up crying.

Celebrate Recovery freedom

A testimony from one of "our girls" on the inside: Lucy

Lucy's Testimony

My name is Lucy I am thankful to God for giving me a second chance. My father died when I was young and my mom did her best to meet all our needs. One day I asked my mom’s permission to date a boy and ran away with him. I got pregnant and had our first child. Within the year I got pregnant again. We struggled financially so my boyfriend left to find work in the United States. My world came crashing down on me when he got involved with another woman. I took my two children and returned to live with my mom and found a job.

At 17 years old, a single mom of two little ones I felt so much hatred for my children’s father.  I lived with my mom for five years. I had relationship after relationship and was really only interested in someone if he had money.  One day I met a guy and started dating him. I kept the relationship hidden as I was afraid people would judge me for dating this man.  He did not have any money or even a car. Within months, I became pregnant. I did not want to have his baby, but something inside me told me that I should go through with the pregnancy. So I started a new life with this guy. One day my partner got into a fight with one of my mom’s friends. As they fought my mom’s friend fell onto a glass table and died. I was not in the house when this happened. I insisted my partner leave. I was sentenced to go to prison for guilt by association and was seven months pregnant.

When my daughter was born, she was taken away from me. I fell in to a deep depression. I was sentenced to twenty years.  I tried to commit suicide but did not succeed. I gained a lot of weight due to the drugs for the depression. I walked around feeling like a zombie. By the Grace of God I was able to get off the medicine. People had tried to tell me about God throughout my life and I thought they were crazy.  Now I began seeking God.

I learned that my mom was seriously ill and I felt helpless as I was not able to be with her.  I cried out to God to have him take her home because she was suffering so much. Within four days she passed away. I felt horrible but found my strength in God. I accepted Christ into my heart and my life began to change. I fell in love with the Lord and my spiritual eyes were slowly being opened.  He started to remove all the hate and bitterness against the father of my children that I had stored deep within my heart: It took being locked away in prison for me to recognize that God has a purpose for my life.  I can look back at my life and see that God has had his hand upon me since I was a small child.

Now when I face trials I stand firm knowing God is with me and I'm not alone. Being in prison is the worst thing that could have happened but it was also the best. I have learned to recognize my mistakes and shortcomings.  Now I know that as a true disciple I allow Jesus to change my character, to help remove my bad habits. I have found my peace and joy in serving Him. I have learned to love my neighbors, my family, my pastor, and my sisters in Christ. I know that every promise found in the Bible is for me and I am thankful to Him for helping settle everything in my life. I have discovered to pray, fast and feast on the Word of God. It is through prayer that I fight for my family members.

Thanks to my Celebrate Recovery group and chapel services I am free behind bars.

God bless you and thank you for letting me share.

Psalm 9:1

A testimony from one of "our girls" on the inside: Andrea

Andrea’s Testimony

My name is Andrea and I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ who is in recovery due to bad habits, compulsive and destructive behavior patterns in my life. My life consisted of sexual and physical abuse, abandonment, rejection and incest.

When I was four years old my mom went through an abortion which ended badly.  While my mom was in the hospital, my dad sold our property and went to live with another woman, abandoning me and my 2 younger brothers. We were placed in the care of our grandparents and uncles. Physical and sexual abuse started here. My grandmother was blind so she could not protect us from what was happening in her own home.  Here they practiced spiritual cleansing and other superstition and spiritualism mixed with Catholicism. 

My dad came back for us one day but after 3 years he left again.  We were living with our aunt but she did not care for us. We would often go to bed without eating, she would humiliate us. We were made to feel unprotected and very alone. My mom did all that she could to provide for us and when we were able to live with her we saw that she was a very strong woman; she never left us. Because we were sent ‘here and there’ my life was filled with highs and lows, feeling loved and being rejected.

When I married my first husband I brought codependency behaviors with me. When my husband left me I did not know how to deal with the rejection. Being unsuccessful in saving my marriage brought more uncertainty in my life. A failed marriage and a past of abuse took me to a place where I adopted a life of promiscuity. I allowed people to take advantage of me and I passed this on to my daughter. Ten years later I married my second husband where my daughter and I lived through a nightmare of domestic violence.  It was so bad that I sent my daughter away from me to protect her.  Years later I escaped with our son only to get involved in yet another toxic relationship. As the years went by I began to be filled with anger, resentment, paralyzing fear and unforgiveness.  The absence of love in my life was taking a toll on me. I sank deeper and deeper into depression.

A young woman new to the company I was working for shared the Word of God with me one day.  In 2008 I have my life to Jesus Christ.  Jesus met me as I hit rock bottom in my life.  It was here that my road to recovery began.

The Celebrate Recovery program has helped me open my heart and free myself of the heavy burdens that have enslaved me.  Through the program, I have come to understand that God loves me and that He has the power to cleanse and restore me to be the woman He created me to be. I identify with Principle 3, which says: "Consciously choose to commit all my life and will to Christ’s care and control." In the past I unconsciously made foolish decisions that only brought sorrow to my life, but now I have consciously decided to put my life under the care of God as I have experienced that His grace frees me and enables me so I can do what He wants me to do. God has freed me from the lies and darkness and called me into his marvelous light. Now I have the firm hope that I'm not alone.

Thank you for letting me share.

*all names have been changed to protect their identity